05 January 2012

The Catch-All Privilege Checklist!

I saw this female privilege checklist. But I thought it wasn't racist enough, and that homophobia and transphobia were only really hinted at, so here it is:

The Anyone Who Isn't Identifiably Straight, White and Male Including by Birth Privilege Checklist

In no particular order:
  1. I can encourage a child to put my nipples in its mouth without being labelled a paedophile.
  2. When I talk about the oppression of people like me, everyone will find it easy to keep a straight face.
  3. I am more likely to be a better dancer.
  4. I can wear pretty dresses without fear of being called a faggot.
  5. I can call someone 'my nigger' without sounding racist.
  6. Automatic door priority.
  7. I can suck another man's cock without fear of being called a faggot.
  8. Girls will like me because I'm all exotic and foreign.
  9. I am more likely to smell better.
  10. If I fall on hard times and have a webcam, I can make money just by masturbating.
  11. I can own several, even very large, dildos and vibrators without fear of being called a faggot.
  12. I can stop being bothered about competitive sports without fear of being called a faggot.
  13. I am never starved of affection as people will call me 'brother' or 'sister'.
  14. My partner is likely to want anal without any kind of pressure.
  15. Nicer hair.
  16. If I am stopped by police they are unlikely to have the right guy.
  17. Kids' TV presenters are likely to be either the same gender as me or at least a bit camp.
  18. Nobody laughs, EVER, at the rap song I did at the school talent show.
  19. My public toilets are lickably clean, nor do I ever miss the bowl/urinal when drunk.
  20. I do not have to worry in case balls touch.
  21. You know what they say about Black men? People will finally say that about me.
  22. I can meet someone I am attracted physically to in a public toilet or changing room.
  23. A changing room for fuck's sake! They might even be naked!
  24. I get to have babies.
  25. I can want cuddles without fear of being called a faggot.
  26. Members of the opposite sex will assume I do not fart - therefore allowing me to do so with impunity in front of them.
  27. Girls will like me more.
  28. I do not have to wonder what it's like to have boobies.
  29. People might think I'm cooler.

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