15 May 2011

The A-Z of Political Correctness

By James Delingpole, aged 12¼.

A is for Alphabetised Lists
Of course, as I found out writing for the Telegraph AND Mail, you're not allowed to say a WORD against so-called Political Correctness unless you do it in the form of an alphabetised list. Political Correctness gone mad!

B is for Blacking Up
Call me racist but I really don't see the problem with this.

C is for Cunts
Though I suppose we have to call them “feminists” these days. Listen love, you've got the vote, now sit down and stop trying to influence politics.

D is for David Attenborough
Compare his earlier series in the sixties to his work now. See how Politically Correct tyranny has aged him.

E is for European Union
Even the name sounds positively Orwellian.

F is for Facial Cumshots
When I was but a priapic young adolescent passing round a sticky VHS tape, the actors would spend their wad in her mouth, on her vadge or up her arse like normal. Why do the likes of Bonnie Greer and Trevor Phillips feel they have to force this bukkake nonsense on us?

G is for Gryffindor
I think I hate the sanctimonious little do-gooders more than the pseuds in Ravenclaw and those Hufflepuff morons combined.

H is for Hitler, Adolf
Would have loved Political Correctness. Enough said, you'd think, except the PC Brigade will call “Godwin's Law” on you if you dare to point this fact out.

I is for Incorrect, Politically
I am one of the few courageous journalists who can honestly claim to be COMPLETELY incorrect in every column I have ever written.

J is for Jif
You have to call it Cif now. WHERE WILL IT END?

K is for Kestrel
You can't say “windfucker” any more. Pathetic.

L is for Lost
What the fuck was going on with this whole series? It made no fucking SENSE! And don't get me started on the ending of Inception.

M is for Magnets
Science has yet to produce a satisfactory explanation for how these work. Explain that.

N is for Niggers
You have to spell it 'niggaz' now or else they get offended.

O is for Old Rope
Is it just me or has the price really plummeted on this stuff?

P is for Political Correctness
You need only read this excellent article to understand how insidious the creep of Political Correctness is. It affects so many disparate aspects of our lives you'd think it was completely made up by right-wing fantasists to embody their worst, most vivid visions of what the Left gets up to.

Q is for Quran
It says on page ONE for Christ's sake, “Kill them all and rape their toddlers”, yet the likes of John Snow and Krishnan “Hussein” Guru Murthy just hum and haw and wring their hands.

R is for Russian Roulette
Banned in schools now. They claim for so-called “health and safety” reasons, but it's almost certainly on the say-so of the Ukranians.

S is for Scientists
Islamo-Marxist quislings, to a man.

T is for Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles
NEVER got a Leonardo that Christmas, did I? Had to make do with Raphael. Toys R Us had “sold out” of Leonardo, my dad said. Sold out to the EU's pro-red propaganda more like.

U is for Universities
Seems now all you need to get into Oxbridge is three or more A grades at A-Level, a glowing interview, plus genuine skill, dedication and interest in your subject. I hate to imagine the chavs that are now flooding the place.

V is for Vaginas
Have you ever seen one? Terrifying.

W is for Winnie the Pooh
As a bear of very little brain, long words bothered him, and so like your esteemed author he would certainly have little truck with Political Correctness.

X is for THAT BITCH RUINED MY LIFE, YET SHE HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME
What do you mean do I want a tissue? Just fuck off. Yes, you you cunt, fuck off. Leave me alone alright? I'm fine.

Y is for Your Best Porno Mag, Your Mom Threw Away
Too long have we taken this right for granted. I for one am quite willing to fight for it.

Z is for Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
I could never find all the bastard skulltulas. Never. What the fuck, Nanny State?

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