30 April 2011

When You've All Wiped Yourselves Down

I came home yesterday, after carefully avoiding everything, to find that there's a facebook page dedicated to roughly sodomising Pippa Middleton. More searching of the terms 'smash', 'back', 'doors' and 'in' reveal there's a similar one to her title-heavy sister. There's also one for the lovely Cheryl Cole. I'm pretty sure most of the major female celebrities have had a smash-your-back-doors-in page dedicated to them at some point.

Now, whether or not these women would like having their back doors smashed in or not is sort of irrelevant. Even if they would, they'd probably be - as well as obviously very flattered as anyone would be - a little bit creeped out at the thought of over a thousand randy internet-gnomes formulating action plans over pictures of their bottoms.

"Ah!" you might say, "but if you get rich and famous off the back of your fantastic arse, then surely your arse has to give something back to the community in the form of boisterous anal sex fantasies". Which is arguably true. Cheryl Cole probably puts an awful lot of gym-work into her arse and other bits, knowing their importance to her professional career. Her Future-Maj probably wanted to join the royal family, even if it was only secondary to marrying her boyfriend. But Pippa Middleton. I'm not sure how Pippa Middleton asked for her fame. Pippa Middleton has been catapulted into some rather intimate, slightly degrading, and disturbingly public sexual fantasies and why? Because she went to her sister's wedding in a nice dress.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm a republican.


  1. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-Awkward-Moment-you-become-a-Sex-Icon-at-your-Sisters-Wedding/164031816991629

  2. See that one's quite pleasant.

    Also why "doors", plural?