13 April 2011

More Bollocks About Real Men

A friend just stuck this up on her bookface.



This, I find in parts infuriating and in parts relieving. Relieving because I no longer have to feel the slightest bit of guilt about the hellish human trafficking industry. I own a penis. A real one, made of actual penis flesh and penis blood, with which I was born. So now I realise I'm off the hook for the abhorrent transportation of young women, often children, for a lifetime of sexual slavery, which is perpetrated exclusively by women, transmen and replicants.

But then I also find it offensive, counter-productive, personally offensive and, above all, bollocks. The problem with men who use trafficked prostitutes isn't that they're not "real". It's that they are nasty, rapey, self-centred little shits. The insinuation of "real men don't buy girls" and "real men don't rape" is that, because a man can't acquire the free, consensual use of a vagina for an evening, he's somehow failed at his own gender.

The theoretical problem with this is that it conflates all sex work with trafficking - "buying" women as slaves with paying women for sexual services. This feeds into a general hostility towards sex-workers themselves which even a lot of feminists buy into. But it is also incredibly offensive and insulting to me personally. I'm not very good with women. I've had one, in total. I'm probably worse at getting laid than most of the Fake Men who rape or use prostitutes. I never quite learned the whole pulling/seduction thing, and I'd be lying if I said this made me happy. But, since I'm flat broke and limit myself to consensual sex on ethical grounds, this basically translates to me not having sex. If Gerard Butler and all these other halfwits are to be believed, my moral failing is the same as that of someone who pays to rape people, and that the main thing wrong with the people trafficking industry is that it fails to fly the penis flag high enough. So don't look for a picture of me with a sign any time soon.

Edit: Quiet Riot Girl has some fairly sound ideas about it too.

5 comments:

  1. While I see where you're coming from with this, I think that sign is meant to exist in an entirely different rhetorical context to the one you react to and contribute to. The message is more, "Getting women to sleep with you is not such an important benchmark of male success that doing it via exploitation, coercion or violence is preferable to not doing it at all".

    ReplyDelete
  2. you could have put a link to my posts on this? might have added to the discussion?

    ReplyDelete
  3. No, because MINE WAS FIRST.

    But I've put it in. HAPPY NOW?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was thinking of this. And Mark Simpson's 'Real Men' stuff.

    http://quietgirlriot.wordpress.com/2011/04/02/real-men-dont-exist/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Its not clear though Vicky on first glance that this is about 'coercion' and 'violence'. On its own the phrase 'real men don't buy girls' sounds and looks like 'real men don't pay for sex'. So which kinds of men do pay for sex? Also there are general 'real men don't pay for sex' campaigns around the world.

    ReplyDelete