28 January 2011

This Gay Agenda is Fucking Stupid

A few words on the gay agenda to turn all our kids gay. Since lesbians confuse and frighten me, I will limit my analysis to gay men, but the principle applies to both.

I am a straight heterosexual man. It is, therefore, in my interest that there be as many heterosexual women about as possible, and as few heterosexual men. Basic numbers game. It is in my interest that, ultimately, there is one woman superfluous rather than one man, because, let's face it, with my levels of charisma, that man could well be me. Furthermore, the greater the superfluity of women, the more desperate they will be, which obviously works in my favour. Making sure young girls turn out normal is vitally important. This is without even taking into account three-ways.

The same does not hold for gay sex. Requiring, as it does, no women and at least two gay men, simply increasing the pool does nothing. Think about it. You convert some taut young chicken, but what's to say he'll proffer his lovely smooth buttocks to you and not your drooling civil partner? Unlike with heterosexual numbers, the number of potential partners increases in perfect lockstep with the number of competitors for them. Simply put, recruit two or more gays outside the school gates, and the chances are they'll just bum with each other. They are younger and perkier than you, after all. The optimum number for gays is not maximum, but even (or divisible by your preferred orgy permutation).

So for heaven's sake, stop this silly campaign to turn our kids gay. It does no-one any favours, least of all yourselves. By all means attack homophobia - not only will it make drunk straight boys potentially more curious, but if you do find a specific young man you really want to
do it with, it'll probably help if he doesn't kill himself with remorse or enter into a long and sexually unfulfilling sham marriage. But stick to that, and only convert kids if you need to make up the numbers.

You got that lads? Limit your agenda to cocks, other men's bottoms and even numbers. You're wasting your time turning our kids gay. I can barely believe you're doing it at all!

6 comments:

  1. “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common” Dorothy Parker

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  2. Dorothy Parker sounds like such a snob.

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  3. I was thinking about this logic in relation to bisexuality. Dan Savage thinks bi people should stick to their own (hes a bit of a fascist like that) but I think that mathematically this would be near impossible. Let's say 80% of people are 'straight' for the sake of argument. Then another 10% are gay or lesbian. and 10% are bi. But those 10% will either fancy members of the same sex/gender identity or the opposite at any given time.

    I am not a mathematician but I think if you look at it like this it shows that really 'bisexual' people actually end up having sex with 'straight' and 'gay' people, and not necessarily in the combinations we would expect.

    which kind of makes the whole thing a bit more messy than Dan Savage would like.

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  4. Personally, I think the only fair way to balance this is if bisexual women go straight and bisexual men go gay. I'm trying to engineer a surplus of straight women though.

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  5. I want all men to go bisexual I think hetero men and gay men are too faggy.

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